The Musical Hypocrite

如果我死了

2008-03-06T16:36:00.002+08:00

如果我死了，天下的人會怎樣？

我不知道，唯一知道的方法是，死。

如果今天我心情很好，腳步快一點……
如果我走快一點……
如果她比我走慢一點……
如果我~

剛不久，一個同校的女孩子循規蹈矩地在亮了綠燈后才過馬路，誰知有一個笨到笨不了的德士司機，載著一名乘客，闖了紅燈，差一點可撞上了那個女孩子。司機當時是一時記得看了車前，才霎時間煞車。

如果他沒看前面，女孩的命當時可沒了。

女孩子當時一時驚嚇過度，沒有甚麼大的反應，也沒有生氣地看著司機。很多人見到了那情景，也吃了驚，到了巴士站人們都圍著她，問候著。

我當時瞪了瞪司機一眼，心裡想著：天底下怎么會有這么不負責任的司機，何況他有載客的啊！

到了巴士站時，我瞬間想到，如果我心情好使我腳步快，如果我比那個女孩子走得更快，那我豈不是被撞上了嗎？

這是我心裡一顫，甚至還怪自己命太好了，為甚麼我偏在這一天腳步那麼慢？

為甚麼今天不是我的死期？

一直以來的我，總想死，自己有不敢自殺，又心知肚明自殺是懦夫的作為，所以我總想有一天能被車撞死，被人打死，甚至被神靈悄悄帶走，那該多好。

因為我知道，我死，人家會更珍惜我的存在。

如今，有誰，不想我死？

講好聽點兒，人數一定是寥寥無幾。

講不好聽點兒，我死，除了我家人、我摯友（其實，我有啥摯友？），沒有其他人會關心。我甚至以為，我死，一定有一些人會更開心吧。

我自問：“如今，我在誰的生活有重要的地位？”

我茫然。

如果我真的有機會死而復生，我真的要去自殺，從天上看看，我是否真的很重要？

剛在學校跑步時，不慎全身與妳的背相撞，真的對不起。但，我真的不瞭解為甚麼妳必須要那么大的反抗。我又不是色魔，我怎會想乘機做甚麼壞事？我純粹是不小心撞到的。

如今，她還是對我那麼抗拒。

我不央求妳對我的印象改好，我只求妳能不再讓我覺得自己很失敗，很沒自信。

我從小人們就對我那麼抗拒，我真的不知道為甚麼。你們能告訴我嗎？

我已經嘗試改變自己了。我如今再也改不了了，我真的必須要為得到好感改變自己麼？

我想必這是我命運？我注定沒有知心朋友？

真的，我現在已正在掉淚。

是否有感覺過：你有個朋友，你把他當成好朋友看待，但，他把你當成生活中的配件add-on，甚至是垃圾？

我有兩三個。

我真的不知道他們是否不慎忽略了我。

可是我真的，心裡，真的很難受。

昨天讀了一個人的博客，他是我眼中蠻好的朋友。我讀呀讀呀，來到了一個段落，他說他很想念幾個人，而這些人都是我跟他以前常常混在一塊兒的人（如今很少）。

這一張“名單”，悲哀地，缺了我的名。

他想提起他的最好朋友，有時沒有我的名字，有時我的名字雖在那裡但是是在後面，好像不說到我的名也就算了不要緊。

我知道我這麼一想，很小孩子氣、很小氣、很無理，但……

他對我呼呼喝喝的、不屑的、找我也只是想找我幫他做東西。

有時他跟我直截了當地訴苦我愿意把作業與其他任務放在一邊聆聽他說話、建議他。

但我呢，我跟他很客氣地訴苦，他就沒有興趣、不屑、有時還轉開話題、給我一些很沒有建設性的建議。

這，算啥？

我真的真的真的覺得超不爽了

我為你付出那么多，而你，我在你生活似乎是那么渺茫，漸漸消失離去。

我寧願你不要再提起我了。

我也有另一個朋友，一開始跟他交往，他對我很外向。

但，隨著時間消逝，他好像因為有了許多同性的朋友，不愿再與我有很近的友誼感情。

他有很多事瞞著我，不想跟我說，分明就是不信任我。

有一個時候他跟另外個人講秘密時，他們看著我，好像在等我閃開似的。我們本來是要上同一輛車回家，但他們卻這樣排斥我。我當時閃到另一邊時，我心裡真的很難受，一直不敢相信一直以來我以為是我的摯友的朋友，竟不信任我。我當時，有點兒失望。

不久后，他走了后，那另一個人跟我吐了秘密。我真的沒料到他會這樣做，我也不求他跟我透露秘密。但他這樣跟我透露他們偷偷談聊的秘密時，我瞬間覺得很感動。

原來，他們剛才說悄悄話時，那另個人真的是沒存心想排斥我，他只是不要讓我所謂的摯友不開心。

我以為某一個朋友是我的知心朋友，但誰知，原來是另一個人。

我不爽快，但我不覺得這是他們的錯。我還覺得，這一切是拜我的誤解、我的天真性格，所賜。

我想，當個偉大的朋友，還是不要跟那些你心目中覺得配得上“摯友”這名稱的朋友，計較。

當個偉大的朋友，我想必就是讓他繼續跟那些不長久的朋友們混在一塊，然後讓他漸漸瞭解~

其實，有一個人正在等你……

那就是我。

我這樣等，愚蠢不？笨不笨？

*今天的日誌真的是太悲哀了，希望大家不會介意。我是不會死的。
有人會介意麼？

2008-02-07T23:18:00.001+08:00

Noah, please right click here and click Save Target as...

2008-02-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

http://boxstr.com/files/923465_f0ur6/for%20noah.txt

'm leaving for macau shortly~!

2007-11-22T13:41:00.000+08:00

Currently using this free internet kiosk to blog this post. SEE I AM SUCH A LOYAL POSTER TO YOU LOYAL READERS LOL.

anyway just to remind you readers that I'll be in hiatus because I'll only be coming back on 3 Dec. So yeah! Expect me to post all about the trip yeah around that day~! Hahas

if i have a chance to meet an internet cafe in macau hongkong china there, i might blog then. hahahas

k i think i gotta leave for the flight~ Tadas!

ENJOY LIFE~

My New Hairstyle!

2007-11-20T23:32:00.000+08:00

LOL~!! I couldn't believe I coloured and styled my hair!! Eh oops? I actually styled my hair first, then I actually went to colour my hair. LOL

The colour, according to the hairdresser, is a very nice colour. Called don't-know-what blonde. And the code written was 7.3 I don't how to interpret that though. But in case any of you readers is a hairdresser lol.

Before you guys let your imagination mischievously run wild, like my mum, I WASN'T INSTIGATED TO DO THIS BY A GANGSTER LOL.

I AM SO

GUAI (well-behaved) ...

[coughs like mama's mama's mama] ahem ahem ahem [coughs again]

Yeah, talking about them. I first approached my dad asking him if he agrees to me colouring my hair. Then he was, oh-my-god-stricken (please note that this is erm, ... JERENGLISH*), "what for?!", "expensive!", "not worth, only one month"

Mum worse, I hated that kind of stereotype - "gangster told you to do this uh? tell them my parents don't allow!" LOL~~!!!

Then the next day they seemed to have MIRACULOUSLY compromised. First my mum said she could bring me to a hairdresser in Macau**, better than getting my hair done in Singapore. I didn't feel like doing such things overseas so I didn't really express my agreement. Then a few minutes later, my dad called me and said that "We've discussed it, if you 'wan2-wan2' (play-play, just for fun) wanna dye hair, then no problem."

Then it was my turn to be oh-my-god-stricken.

*Talking about the JERENGLISH yeah -
The word "Jerenglish" is a portmanteau of the English name "Jeremy" and "English". This word means a variation of the English language... OKAY THIS IS GETTING LAME. I AM TRYING TO ACT WIKIPEDIA-LISTIC.

**Oh gosh I can't believe that I haven't tell you about this to you loyal readers (you have to be loyal if you ain't currently lol)
My family and I will be leaving for Macau during the afternoon of 22 November 2007, Thursday. LOL THAT'S TOMORROW. We will proceed to Zhuhai, Shenzhen too during the course of the trip. Lastly we will also go to Hong Kong! We will be going back to Macau then to depart the country and go back to Singapore in the morning of 3 December 2007.

So remember to say Bon Voyage or something, to me on that day. REMEMBER TO SMS ME IF YOU HAVE MY NUMBER. NO MORE 8161 4699 BTW. IT'S ... (Mama says it's dangerous to state your personal information on the net! Mama warns that strangers might... LOL) I think some of you might have.

By the way, I am not quite sure if you guys know how to pronounce "bon voyage". I think not all knows because I didn't LOL this sounds stupid. I used to pronounce "BORN-vorh-y-AGE" when it should be "BORN-vorh-y-AH-sh" where the "sh" sound as in "meaSure"

I'm trying to develop a slang LOL. Ain't I?

No LAH, Singlish's still the best! SEEE BEHHH POW D ERFUL EHHS!!

Eh that was an act. Singlish can sound irritating sometimes.

Anyway, talking so much, people like John, Dreys, etc etc want me to show them a photograph of my hairstyle. But I thought these people cannot have the privilege to see it first LOL when I am actually gonna blog it. So here it is...

EH BLOGGER CAN UPLOAD PICTURES! I didn't know my computer is the best of the best. ?=_= It lags too much though. [after several mins] WTH UPLOAD 2 PHOTOS STILL UPLOADING?! T_T Go photobucket...

Blogger please improve your service standards! Google, take charge! LOL

Side view!

Front view! Ehs my fringe is untidy. And for your information, the thing circled in red is not a UFO lol. It's my light.

My IT instructor has been creating the badges (for school open house to promote the school) herself and finally gave up and asked for our help. Haha it was fun but can get very boring. My friend and I have to do 250 badges later in school!

Push! and you get the badge! That packet of green tea might be mine. O.O random stuff

Had to do a almost a thousand badges! The number, not mistakenly a few hundred, was really disappointing!

Ahhh! I forgot to put this photograph up in the previous post about the erm, event where the PM came and with Maris Stella. Yeah, took this photo with someone's spectacles. I look nerdy!

Remember the Clean and Green Singapore 2007 event in Suntec Singapore, in my previous post? Went to some elevators and happened to see this...

Ah, this is really lame.

Met this big Ducktours vehicle. Lol I like the humour there in the red circle. I think I lost the duck-mouth (ehh, I forgot what's the term.. 鸭嘴? LOL) that was given to everyone who went for ducktours. Was fun hahaa.

Ahh I am evil to blame that child there. Should blame that mascot, why were you so cute?! LOL But seriously that child was so hyped up upon seeing the cute giant and apparently ran in the scene and became the major distraction in the photo. hahahaha. Fyi around the mascot is some of my schoolmates exhibiting in Suntec.

Yeah!!! Part of the Clean & Green Singapore is the Mr & Miss Teen Earth pageant! And my school teachers are superb-ultra elated when both Mr & Miss Teen Earth turned out to be from our school. The emcee went, "is this a coincidence?" when he learnt about this. LOL! AND THE MASCOT IS REALLY CUTE. I WANNA HUG HIM (or her?) forever!!!

Lol saw this in some places. Cool, next time I'll bring my laptop to bus 30. But what does "Nokia Bus 30" mean? Trying to snatch buses from SBS?

There was one day the Fruits went to Vivo for a Fruity Unity (rhymes!) Went to the Sky Park to play with water. Hehes. This one sounds really misleading!

I added some lightning effect between them. Stupid huh? Actually I wanna take a photo of them together but they are shy (especially dreys with that shirt denoting "LITTLE MISS SHY") so they turned away from each other. Looked like they have just said "HMPH!" hahahaha.
I am evil. oops.

Puikay and Zihui (is that how you spell it?), you're responsible for the old man's, either disgust, or nostalgia! LOL xiang dang nian...

Ahh lame.

See, fruitfly flew on top.

...

Went to Sunshine Plaza to print A0 posters for an exhibition, the National StrITwise challenge in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Then I realized my friend and I had the same watch model. hahaha. Guess which is mine.

It's the green one! =)

Anyway. I think that's all. Today I might be singing XiJie in YouTube. Ahh. But told ya I am really non-photogenic. Unless the dyeing of hair helps. hehes. Ok tada!

ain't pessimistic

2007-11-07T19:53:00.000+08:00

I ain't pessimistic about life. It's not because I am emotional then I chose to shirk off this belief. I am not emo at all. Please get this straight, before you fume when you see me still kicking and jumping and leaping out at home. Maybe not, since YOU GUYS ARE DEPRESSING ME WITH YOUR MISUNDERSTANDING OF THIS WHOLE SITUATION.

Please do not let my blog design affect your understanding about my decision.

I am not emo at all.

I am just sad. Sad by school, sad by life etc. clear - I don't want to be any way related to you guys, who know who you are, anymore!

NOT THAT I HATE YOU. I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED ANYMORE ABOUT THE DISRESPECTFUL AND MEANINGLESS "RELATIONSHIP" BETWEEN ME AND GOD IN THE PAST!

Please do not think of salvaging me. Please give up your high hopes on me.

I am really serious here.

Thank you.

That was all a digression, for your information. I just wanted to get things straight to the point without beating about the bush. It might sound hurtful, but why make things look so implicit?!

I, JEREMY, AM HERE TO BLOG DECENTLY.

Man, I don't wish to bore loyal readers out here with all my "emotional" posts.

So now, let's get to the main topic. 'm blogging~~~ WOOHOO~

Here I'll blog in reverse chronological order. Hehe, do I look like I am trying to sound profound? LOL~! Eww, you may exclaim in disgust.

Yeah, I was exclaiming "很贱咧！" in disgust not long ago today by this incident:

We - some school teachers and Secondary 1 students including me - all went for the Clean and Green Singapore event today and everyone, or at least all the exhibitioners are supposed to get a goody bag.

We excluding the teachers didn't know about what we could get at first only until when we came back to school, that teacher actually gave us our goody bag without the outer bag.

There was a reason. I realized the goody bag could not possibly only contain a file, a pen and a towel, looking at its size. Then she made it clear that she had given part of its content to her dear *deluded Green Club members.

She even went - The moral is, be a Green Club member!

That's one point that makes her so notorious. Shouldn't we get what we should've gotten? We've spent so much our personal time in the horriddays to this hecking exhibition.

*Why "deluded"? - you might ask.
That's because I really pity her members who are so ignorant to her unreasonable attitude and treatment of them. She obliged them to get a prize for the school, verbally she said "for me, otherwise you get it from me!" These people are really deluded into gaining fame and recognition for her. What about them? Shouldn't they get some appreciation too?

She thinks a verbal gratefulness, maybe even false and fake, suffice to thank us for our concerted efforts?

Besides that, you must realize a logic here:

I could see that her dear members each got one of the goody bag stuffs we didn't get. So where are the stuffs we didn't get, since the Green Club members didn't get the leftovers she had hidden? Ahah, "she had hidden?"

Dumbos and smartos here proclaim together with me, "She pocketed it."

That's what makes her more notorious!

Maybe she didn't really keep them for herself, or maybe she'd given them to the members when the members chose to hide them (or under her instigation, ahah!) from our sight that they got the stuffs we didn't, moreover extra!

But whatever the fact is now, she just sounds so notorious.

Really notorious.

I am not trying to be so typical-Singaporean here so calculative about the free stuffs we can get. I am just really put off by how she deal with matters. A 30-year-experienced teacher here!

She even told us before the trip to the exhibition hall, we could only claim our money back by presenting the receipts we get, ONLY THOSE THAT SHOW MAX. $3 SPENT ON PURCHASES.

Wah, ngiau leh! (Wow, so stingy!)

Guys, what kind of food, in Suntec Singapore, can only cost you $3? Even the food in the Kopitiam can cost you min. $4.

But nevermind, I told myself:

Oh forget it boy! I wouldn't like to be as ngiau as her also to claim such a small amount $3 from the school.

Digression - Seriously I don't know why are my school teachers so hard up for recognition for themselves and for the school! I don't want to go any further about that. It's just long and stupid.

Let's rewind to a long-ago week.

When I came back home, just reaching my doorstep. A Chinese lady approached me upon seeing the colour of my neighbour (not in a racist way yeah). My neighbour is Indian for your information.

She told me she can't speak English and wanted to speak to my neighbour.

Rawr I became a beginner-interpreter then.

"Ask them if they have any old, female family member, (of course) Indian, who was pain in her leg once along her way." The lady told me as I translated the question to English.

"Speak to him!" The mother told her child, being English-illiterate.

"No" The innocent-looking (lol) boy stared at me and shook his head.

"Mei you" (No) I told the lady.

Then she started telling me about the situation:

She once met an old Indian lady who was pain in her leg and apparently was in need of help as she was suffering.

She then approached the old lady and asked her about her residence with some difficulty in communication since the old lady spoke in English.

The old lady claimed to be living in my flat, and have 2 children that have abandoned her (obviously from her facade and plight). The Chinese lady felt sympathy for her.

When they reached the flat the Chinese lady asked the old lady which storey she is living, the old lady said "10". So the Chinese lady helped her to press the 10 button.

-- She told me she came that time because she was concerned about the old lady and wanted to know how she was. But it seemed like the old lady had lied about where she was living because there was no such person living in the 10th storey.

She described the old lady to me and I finally figured out the familiar person I've seen quite a lot of times under the flat. I told the Chinese lady she didn't live here surely. She might be living in the 2nd storey. But as to why she said 10th, it might be due to her embarrassment about her living condition, or about the fact that she might not have a place to reside at all!

After all, I was not really concerned about the old lady since I could do nothing at all. I was just impressed by her kindness and concern for strangers, moreover one not of her race! You really can't find this type of Samaritan around in Singapore's typical society so easily. It's just a relief and a soul to be glad of being existing in the selfish society of Singapore.

Not only the Chinese lady spent her personal time helping the old lady to her place in her time of difficulty, but she also came back with concern, expressing the genuine kindness she has to me through her recollection of the incident.

I was really touched, though I didn't apparently portray it.

Seriously, she looked like those kind of typical ah-lian-ah-huay Singaporeans, oops, by first look. However I was truly taken aback by her act of genuine kindness.

I also experienced another surprising act of kindness for me, by an administrative staff member that I really don't know well, vice versa applies.

She really looked like someone who is not so special, to me by first look. But I was just overwhelmed by her drawing out her cash to pay for my purchase. I didn't expect anyone to do that though I could've gone penniless if I would've paid with my money.

Trust me, I didn't make any hint by my eye to her or beg her or do whatever despicable actions you can think of so that she could pay for me. After all, I am not that despicable =) hahaha

She went, "Ah. small thing only. nevermind!"

I was touched, even the receptionist was touched since she smiled and asked if that was my teacher.

Woohoo!~

Sorry to break the order but I realized I skipped one Saturday. Hahas.

Last Saturday was a terribly busy day. I was dog-tired after the whole day of exhibition in the Bishan Park Clean & Green Singapore.

Quite a lot of patrons approached us and treated us like Information Counter. LOL we just had to say "We're not in charge of this." etc

Quite a lot of patrons also asked us, "Do I get a chop if I do the quiz (the one exhibited in our booth)?" I was blur at first because I don't even know what chop they're referring but the surest thing I knew was that we don't chop them into pieces, surer we don't give them a stamp on the back of their hand. So I said, "no".

ON-THE-SPOT ENGLISH LESSON~
To replace "stamp" with "chop" is a demonstration of broken English. The word "chop" has absolutely no connotation of and of course no meaning of the word "stamp".
Go to a circus in London or Washington and say "Do I get a *chop* if I play this?", if you're unlucky enough to have approached a serial murderer, then take care. =)

Another irritation in that event was that for an unknown reason, students from a school named Maris Stella or whatchammacallit prepared some wheat plants, and placed them on the side of our table.

Maybe the reason is that, Commonwealth and Maris Stella are under the same group called "AskNLearn".

However, we didn't seem to have seen them tending to their plants personally. Unreasonably my teacher's AskNLearn colleague told us not to obstruct Maris Stella's side, when he had actually took one of our laptops and used it for the screening of Maris Stella's video.

And what the heck?! - The students did not even appear to us, so all they had in their side were the wheat plants and a brochure, and also, though reluctantly placed there and had been removed by us later in the absence of our teacher's colleague - our laptop to screen their video.

According to my teacher's colleague, Maris Stella students went to take photographs of the event, or whatever?

The greater problem caused by this was that the public would approach us about the wheat plants, if the colleague was absent in the stall since he was responsible for those plants. We did not even know what to talk about those plants, and the public might have thought of us not being well-prepared for presentation. =_=

A while after, I was approached by some whatchammacallit people holding papers and pens in their hands, one of them went -

AskNLearn. Now we ASK you, just tell me the answers N we will LEARN.

I laughed, but was surprised because we didn't know what to tell them - we didn't issue any kind of quiz to the public - so what answers?

I forgot what I have told them that made them walk away - LOL. But I like how that person in that group construct that sentence in accordance to our group name AskNLearn.

We were anticipating the prime ministers' visitation of our booth. But sadly, frustrating media crowded around him and made him miss the route nearest to our booth, so he had started walking around the booths from the other route far from us. Yet again, we thought he would visit all of the booths, but stupid media crowded around him and perhaps made him a bit frustrated so he had left us disappointed by walking towards another group of booths.

Sigh.

Recently I heard from my IT Club member a very disappointing news of that teacher again.

That teacher had SMSed to some teachers that my IT instructor had paid a professional web designing shop $100 to design my website for the competition.

Oh God, what did my IT instructor do to You that You have to make her suffer so much prejudice and unfairness in the school?

The website was solely done by me! What $100?! What professional shop?! That was all a puddle of bull's shit!

Can you imagine a 30-year-experienced teacher doing such an amoral thing? She's just try all her best to condemn our CCA to make her Green club more popular.

Sigh. I just can't control myself. I always have to be so angered by her immoral behaviour.

All I could do is to write a letter to the principal. I just hope the principal will believe this despite the denial that teacher may make.

You may call me cruel, if the case that comes to be is that the teacher will be fired, that I am so ruthless to make a teacher lose her career.
But wouldn't it be more cruel of me to have experienced her cruelty to students and not care about it when I am in knowledge of many students that are under her "captivity"? Wouldn't it be more cruel of me to let such a teacher exist in such a well-known school? Wouldn't it be more cruel of me to make myself suffer and be angered by her existence in the school?

People say I'm too soft-hearted and too kind, so now I am trying to be more unforgiving and more hard-hearted. I don't want to become a hero who is well-known for putting others first before me all the time and discreetly let myself suffer in darkness and let people continually take advantage of me and my gradually-disappearing kindness.

I can be nice if you're nice to me. I must be mean if you're mean to me.

If that teacher can't even realize her mistakes, or worst - can't even be fired - then consider this the reason of the termination of my belief.

Call me immature, childish, unreasonable, plain rude - go ahead - I can't be bothered anyway.

One person from my ex-church tried to counsel me when I SAID I DON'T WANT TO REMINDED OF THIS ANYMORE, but still wanted to overcome me - "I'm sure you still have doubts" or whatever. When I told her what she wanted me to tell her since she wants to be more open, she just scolded me for being disrespectfully plainly rude and went offline.

That is what I call an example of letting one's belief overcome oneself, irritating non-believers away.

IF YOU ARE SOMEONE LIKE THAT STOP TRYING TO BE SO SUPERWOMAN BY ACTING LIKE A COUNSELLOR TO ME. YOU WANTED TO HEAR ME OUT, OKAY, I TOLD WHATEVER IN MY HEART. THEN, YOU JUST LEFT CALLING ME PLAIN RUDE WHEN I'VE TOLD SOMETHING CONTRADICTORY TO YOUR BELIEF BUT WAS SOMETHING FROM MY HEART. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY THEN? YOU WANTED ME TO OPEN UP MY HEART, EH? THEN YOU COULDN'T TAKE IT AND JUST LEFT ME ALONE WHEN ALL YOUR ACTIONS IMPLIED COUNSELLING TO ME. WHAT KIND OF QUALIFIED COUNSELLOR LEAVE LIKE THAT JUST BECAUSE THE PERSON SAYS SOMETHING WRONG?

Sorry for that, venting of anger. I am so sorry.

LOL, just now in 399 my neighbourhood shopping centre I witnessed a very funny sight - Two male underpants with brands "Calvin Klein" and "Calvin Klain" arranged side to side.

That wasn't a spelling error! I was so taken aback when I saw that extraordinary "a". No creativity at all!

Should've taken a photograph of it, tsk!

Think that's all. Maybe I am gonna add some videos and photographs later here. I've just got a new hairstyle for myself. I want to colour my hair!!! =x Should I get some erm, hairspray? =_= Bleahs. Might be posting it later. =P

Had decided to make a singing career in YouTube hahas, so I have been doing a video of me singing. But I thought my face was really anti-photogenic. Tsk. I really look ugly. T_T

sorry

2007-11-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

I just wanna say sorry to everyone who thinks he/she should accept my apology, who thinks I have owed them one etc.

Imagine the worst that can happen to a person with weak belief.

That is what has happened to me, perhaps, maybe, possibly, probably, plausibly - definitely perhaps.

Ponder on my new nickname. It reads, "hypocrite".
Ponder on the definition of "hypocrite".

What does all that mean?

Behind the songs I sang, behind the songs I heard with great feelings - hides a hypocrisy.

It looks like it's been revealed instead of never revealed.

I remember hearing that he hates hypocrites.

I think that's the greatest sentence I heard in my life that erupted this belief into pieces like how Mount Merapi did, like how the bomb in Bali did.

Good application of geography, eh?

I don't want to mean anymore disrespect to him again.

I don't want to go there and use my talents to make myself look so gifted and so loved by him.

I don't want to go there and give people a wrong understanding.

I don't want to be a hypocrite.

At least, at last, I revealed that hypocrisy.

Isn't that good?

Wouldn't it be so bad of me to deceive you, deceive the greatest one of all, all my life till my death?

I repeat what I said - I don't want to be a hypocrite.

But it seems like I have to continue acting this drama to you.

So, why not let's do something practical?

Let's break all ties.

Seeing you reminds me of all this.

So, can we do just do this to make things easier for us to deal with? I don't want to torture myself, you don't want to deceive yourself with the Jeremy you knew.

I know what I am doing.

Implicitly, look what is missing from my profile.

Explicitly...

I am backsliding.

You are the one I am talking to, if you have afterthoughts reading this, if you feel hatred for me, if you feel pity for me, if you feel determination for me, if you're a person with the belief I *had*, if you're a person close to me, if You cry for me.

Sometimes I take the thunder as his anger, I take the rain as his sadness.

Both happened simultaneously in that night when I was in Blk 161, reminiscing my past childhood times, pondering on my spirituality.

So, were you angry? Or were you sad?

They really make a difference to me.

Anger - You can put me away from your presence. I always reminded myself of burning Hell, but do I look scared about it? I know.

Sadness - Why would he cry for me? It's stupid of me to walk in the rain that day and mutter to myself the three great letters with initial capitalisation of G, and, "no, no, please don't cry".

I can't even bring myself to say that Word out.

I am so stressed that...

2007-10-29T18:23:00.000+08:00

I am so stressed that I lost track of time, literally.

Allow me to digress a while -

Why are parents always dissatisfied by our academic results? Couldn't they be a little bit more appreciative of our concerted efforts spent?

Sigh, they just never understand.

And you see, I sacrificed my examination revision time for that dumb competition and for that dumb CS3, and now it seems like we've sacrificed for nothing.

[END OF DIGRESSION]

Yeah, yesterday my dad was waking me up because I've to go to school to help that teacher with dumb green things. He did that by my reminder the day before. But guess what! -

"Time to wake up."

"Huh?"

"Didn't you tell me to wake you up yesterday?"

"Did I?"

[Adjusting the alarm clock at a later time]

[Staring at the clock] "Huh?"

"Okay I am going. Really you're not supposed to wake up?"

[Realising the time]

"No no, I'm getting up."

...

Guess what! I thought it was evening that time! It was morning!!!

I just can't manage to calculate how many times in my life have I heard the two letters - E - together.

EE

I understand that some of you do not know what it means, actually - How I wish I didn't know what that is too! But nevermind, it means:

Environmental Education

Seriously, I don't know why there's so many things in school about EE. Even in the examinations, the topic for Art was "Just One Earth", the topic for English letter-writing was regarding on "Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve".

Can you recognise how GREENISH I am now? GAWD, MY FAVOURITE COLOUR IS ALSO GREEN. WHAT THE LOL?!

Right. Not funny at all, I am supposed to be stressed. I'm just trying to cheer myself up. Pathetic isn't it? No one's here to cheer me up

And that's why I abhor one of those teachers I've mentioned in my first post. Her Green Club is now so recognised as a result of the Green movement in our school. Oh stupid, I just suddenly hate the word, the colour of, GREEN.

Nonetheless the teacher is forever hard up for more recognition. Just read my first post if you don't know what is going on here.

That teacher was asking me, "Are you overwhelmed by the work I've given you?"

The work she given me was:

A2 Publicity Poster
Heck. Do you know how big is A2? And that means more loading and waiting time! I am real impatient with Photoshop! And guess what! I've done nothing currently
Photograph Editing
(From another teacher, but he was referred to me by her. How smart is she!) Photographic slides
Search for 32 cm X 24 cm posters
Crazy.

And don't you think the question she asked was totally stupid? No, I was more stupid, I said, "Not really".

By the way, I suddenly thought of lying to her that my Photoshop is malfunctioning. Oops~! Maybe I'll resort to that when I just can't cope with all that.

But whatever I would have answered her question, I still have to do the work. She continued,

Commonwealth students lack of only one thing. They cannot be stretched. Not stretchable.

Yeah right, for your information, I am currently stretched to the verge of death.

And then she referred me, yet again, to the HOD to help her in some PowerPoint stuffs. I actually declined some requests by her and her, as I was telling them "I'm very busy". They were unhappy and said, "Cannot be like that, d'you know? Last time our students would always 'Yes, Mrs/Mdm/Ms/Mr ...', 'Okay Mrs/Mdm/Ms/Mr ...' etc"

Then I'd look like I am sucking up to you guys.

But it was the other way round, they were kinda sucking up to me. The HOD was muttering, "This boy's very good" etc etc. "Where did you get this boy?" etc etc

Come on man! Do I look like those kind of people who are willing to sacrifice so much of their own personal time in exchange for favour from teachers? Sorry to tell you but I can't do that. I am a person with dignity.

Then I was extremely intimidated by what the HOD said, "You have to come here everytime, d'you know?" as she was recognising me as being so kind and helpful. But heck, I am not limitlessly kind and helpful, am I? Actually I am, I was too, but why? I just can't harden my heart to stop being so kind and helpful, despite all the hurt I got as a result.

After that, she was asking me if I want money. I said, of course. Then she told me she was offering me an opportunity to participate in the Best Practice Day, where we could get money by showcasing our projects done for the school, or something like that. So she was suggesting that I showcase the website I done for the competition. But I was pissed by what she had continued with:

Hey but you have to be eternally grateful to me then. You don't tell [my IT teacher] about it or else she'll ask your partner to join, he did nothing! Then your money will be shared

I was intimidated, and tempted at first. But I realised I can't be such an ingrate to do so. So I told her that I've to consider.

"What's there to consider? You don't want money?"

Damnation! She looked like she was bribing me into her advantage - honour and glamour in the school

Ask yourself, viewers - Where has the appropriate teacher's character gone to? Guys, just think of the noblest teacher you've ever seen. And think, why do we call them noble? Because there're still a lot of "teachers" in this world who just are not fit to be teachers.

Darn it~! How true can this sentence be:

And finally the school horrid-days have come`~

I have so many upcoming appointments in school and tasks to finish. I am even motivated by my TAF teacher that I have to lose 10 kg by the end of this holiday. Or else I have to run everyday during recess next year.

MOTIVATION? Stress.
STRETCHABILITY? Stress.

Commonwealth, you are forcing me to the verge of death.

I am contemplating...

I stole a quiz

2007-10-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

Thou shalt not steal

=_=" This quiz is stupid hahas:

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, windows media player etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name

If someone says "is this okay?" you say:
A Groovy Kind of Love - Phil Collins
(o.o Yeah, this is kind of groovily loved by me)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
打气 - 黄智阳
(Erm. I like a girl that encourages me when I experience tribulations? Okay, not bad. lol`~)

How do you feel today?
I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
(WHAT THE LOL! OH.MY.GAWD. Eh I wrote this name so compellingly! ROFLMAO I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF OKAY. THIS IS SO GROSS. I like the tune only, the lyrics erm not bad HAHAHAHAA)

What is your life's purpose?
突发奇想 - 蔡淳佳
(My life's purpose to suddenly drown into thinking? True, I want to drown into thinking of what my purpose of life is.)

What is your motto?
True Colours - Unknown Singer
(I have to determine the true colours of anyone I go into friendship with? True, I don't want to end up deceived while being abandoned)

What do your friends think of you?
I Give - City Harvest Church
(I always sacrifice for friendship? True, I've been giving into my friends, sacrificing for them; yet most of the time I get nothing but more duties and more hostility and more disrespect)

What do you think of your parents?
流水年华 - 洪俊扬
(Huh? Years flowing like water by while I get more and more disrespectful to my parents? Sorry, but I just can't control my anger sometimes. I don't want to mean disrespect too. I wanna be a good boy too.)

What do you think about very often?
Forever Love - 王力宏
(I always think of a love forever? True, I always doubt the existence the spiritual, sacred love forever, I always doubt the existence of the love forever in friendships.)

What is 2 + 2?
Lifted Me High Again - Unknown Singer
(Huh?)

What do you think of your best friend?
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
(I don't have a best friend, pathetic isn't it? But I have close friends that like to break away when I need his/her help, where I didn't instead acceded to my best efforts in the case vice versa)

What do you think of the person you like?
There Is Nothing Like - Hillsong
(I don't like any person. But of course I'd like a person whom no one is like)

What is your life story?
I Give You My Heart - Reuben Morgan
(This is my desire to honour you. Lord with all my heart I worship you. Lord all I have within me I give you praise. And all that I adore is in you...... It's my life story, but somehow I just can't get any reply from You, why?)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
木乃伊 - 林俊杰
(WHAT THE LOL! DREYS CALLED ME MUMMY AGAIN AS I TOLD HER ABOUT THIS QUESTION. LOL~! Hey I want to be neither an Egyptian mummy or a Maternal mummy.)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Won't Let You Fall - Fergie
(LOL I'd be cursing if I'd have been sarcastic thinking that.)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
其实你不懂我的心 - 陈伟联
(WHAT THE LOL! THIS SONG'S TOO TRADITIONAL TO BE PLAYED! And if I play that it'll be like telling my wife that she doesn't know my heart - THEN HOW TO MARRY?!)

What will they play at your funeral?
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
(If my funeral should be during Christmas, and if they play that song, I think it'd become a Christmas party already`~=_= because I'm so insignificant in your life...)

What is your hobby/interest?
Jesus - City Harvest Church
(Yeah, I want to act like Jesus. But I just can't~)

What is your biggest fear?
Shepherd - City Harvest Church
(O.o I am scared of shepherd? LOL~!)

What is your biggest secret?
流星雨 - F4
(Huh? Maybe I just have too much rainwater - tears kept as secret, I'll just go bonkers one day)

What do you think of your friends?
From The Inside Out - Hillsong
(Huh? I need someone to help me interpret haha)

LOL this is stupid I told ya.

Trip to Malaysia~

2007-10-28T17:31:00.000+08:00

Please note that I've placed quite a lot of stats under the "POPULARITY . FAME" section on the left. Do vote me if you like my blog and me blogging. LOL! Sorry, I've been very hard up for popularity and fame nowadays. I really want readership for my blog, otherwise please don't expect me to go to Blogger every so often regularly. Dreys, Twilight, right?! ROFL

I want to quickly grow to 15 so that I can join Nuffnang~!! LOL. Lionel's so fortunate, he's got his mum's allowance to use her name to sign up for Nuffnang. Okay, I should advertise his blog here too - http://just-lionel.blogspot.com/ . GET YOUR DAILY DOSE OF PANDEMONIUM THERE~ as described by the slogan there hahas. LOL guys please don't be jealous. Oops!~!

Anyway, I'll move on to the Johor Bahru trip as promised in the previous post yeah -

I went to this very interesting food court. My dad and I had Fried Oyster, Bak Kut Teh, Spicy Fish and Satay! Oh my goodness the Fried Oyster was soooo irresistibly delicious, much better than Singapore's. The special thing about it was - it is CRISSSSPPPY.

What I like about the food court is:

It is in open space (of course the stalls are covered though), very cool.
It has a projector that screens quite a lot of popular MVs, although at the end when were leaving I was disappointed by the screening of Mei Yan Fang's MVs. LOL oops
The drinks stall provide ceramic cups for both cold and hot drinks. This is so rare in Singapore! By the way, the tables are made of floor tiles!
I like the kind service there though the service is slow. One of the stallkeepers who was from a food stall helped us to call the drinks waitress. Such friendly and kind acts are really extremely rare in Singapore, man~!
Last but not least, the view there was terrific, exceptionally so for that day. The solitary full moon hanging in the black sky there was just unbelievable. It's the first time I've ever seen such a huge full moon.

However the service there is real slow. And there are quite a lot of disturbances around.

The So-called "Nuns"
I believe some of us might have seen some "nuns" who go around selling those kind of erm "holy" stuff around to get money. I haven't ever seen one in Singapore but I did see one in Malaysia. Wahhh their hair was tied up so neatly that they look so holy, when we know that nuns should completely shave their hair, hello. Besides that she also wore real pure white attire which was so convincing though, lol. But I read from the newspapers that nuns are not supposed to beg for money because the temples and monasteries will support the hosting nuns with life's basic necessities such as food. In fact, nuns are never supposed to handle money at all. So guys, if you ever meet such a person, never offer them money or even respect (lol I saw some stupid men giving money to them and pay respects to them even, in the food court. This is real dumb!) Otherwise if you're strong enough you can nab them to the nearest police station lol~
I seriously think it's very disrespectful to Buddhism, though I am not believing in it lol. We should at least respect religions with our action. This is really insulting to nuns. And they're bringing the incorrect knowledge to people. They're attracting false pity.
Illegal VCDs Offer
Right, not that I am anti-piracy (ahem, I am instead de facto sooooo... supportive of piracy. OOPS!), but because I've ever watched such VCDs, THE QUALITY IS REAL BAD. You could even see some shadows of heads popping out =_=" since they recorded those VCDs in the cinemas. We immediately declined their offers.
Firstly, when my dad and I were with the table, the Chinese lady approached us with all her stupid talks which I really couldn't understand. SHE SOUNDED SO... CHINA.
Secondly, the same lady approached me when my dad was away. =_= I was like, erm... "Did she think I declined her previous request under the invisible intimidation of my dad? Does my dad look that fierce? LOL!"
Request for Donations
I think the people who request others to actually pause their meal and hear their talks are really dumb to do so. It doesn't feel so nice to be interrupted during a meal. But these people just don't understand this fact. Not like we don't have the heart to donate but these people just don't know the right time to come. In fact, I think approaching people for donations is one of the dumbest and most inefficient way of getting money for the organisation, though I do accede to their requests sometimes.

And after all that food court saga, we went to the hotel function room to look for my mum who was almost finishing the meeting. Before that I went to the toilets and found a real dumb toilet bowl:

Why would the flusher be installed behind the bowl cover?! Honestly, I did hesitate a while as I was looking for the flusher. LOL! Hey at least I don't walk away with the yellow stuff hovering there, right?! LOL~ I think the cistern is hidden inside the wall, I mean it lO.oked like.

Oh my goodness talking about toilet bowls I was reminded of the toilet bowl I met in the food court abovementioned. I EXPECTED THE TOILET TO BE REALLY DIRTY FROM THE FACADE BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT THE TOILET BOWL TO BE FULL OF UNSIGHTLY HUMAN WASTE BECAUSE there was no flusher. rofl~ I snatched a glance of the toilet bowl below me and immediately averted my eyes. I wouldn't want to take a photograph of it, please, do spare me my life and yours too.

I caught sight of a sign so considerate, between the elevators:

Yeah, this is the sign that should be pasted between all elevators in Singapore especially the ones in my flat, though the age limit should be set lower, maybe to 5 to 7.

Oh yeah by the way you can see my handsome face there and my sexy Nokia 5300 there too!!! ahem~

Because the children of my just-moved-in neighbours just have nothing better to do than to play with the elevators. Once they placed a block of whatever thing between the doors of the elevator. It was damaging the system of elevator since they repeated that so many times. I didn't dare to rebuke them verbally, lest they break out in tears and run to their defensive mum LOL, then I'd be in trouble.

I also abhor how they actually looked at me, NO - HOW THEY STARED AT ME. O_O They stared at me like they saw Mr Nathan emerging from the elevator. But nevermind, I'll try my best to accept it, since I look like Mr Nathan to them. What an EXAGGERATING flattery.

These are such an insult:

Click on the second image to enlarge and you'll find a time limit! But I think it's just a gimmick since.... :

... as it reaches 0, the button is still there.

In case the non-Chinese don't know, these are just the equivalent advertisements of the English ones proclaiming "CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE THE 999,999TH VISITOR OF THIS SITE... CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!" or something similar.

Why I call them insults? Because at first there were only English versions. But somehow, I think those tricksters really think the Chinese are dumb people so they came up with Chinese versions. DAMNATION!
Oh yeah guys, in case you are soo inexperienced, let me tell you that these advertisements are not true, they are scams! I am afraid you would actually erm, expect cash to emerge from your computer. =_=

As I was blogging this post, a real stupid vehicle horned relentlessly. I looked out through the windows and YES as expected it was the same situation... :

Do click the image to enlarge it so that you can see the elements clearly.

Had to quote the LAH so to emphasize it - TYPICAL SINGAPOREANS

Most of you may think of the darker vehicle's driver as being inconsiderate because it is blocking the way of the white vehicle. In fact both drivers are wrong, see the sign there? - None of them should have parked their vehicles there.

Some Singaporeans are just plainly dumb, period.

God!~ I feel so critical today! Don't know why. Tsk, maybe I am just so moody nowadays. I always get very critical whenever I am moody.

Mr Teng's here to answer your questions about English! LOL

2007-10-28T01:03:00.000+08:00

Hahas I'll blog chronologically again, like I said in my other posts I am very bad in organising my grandfather stories. >.< SINGAPORE!

Okay, little boys and girls, today Mr Teng will be teaching you some dumb English usage errors that can be found in public. These are some I found after I came back from my piano lessons:

LOL. I think the Chinese teacher could've meant "听写". Can't blame her too much for this mistake though. I also realise that somehow in primary school, the most similar activity with English spelling is Chinese "听写". Both of them have the same activity, you hear and you write what's said. But lol, we shouldn't expect "听写" to be called as spelling. =_= Maybe it should be called erm... Dictation? Bleah.

You could see the number there, couldn't you? Wow, I am such a good Samaritan! I just helped the teacher to advertise her tutelage offer! Ahem~

Bleah, I don't think you guys can see the text there. But you can find that string of text there under almost all bus stops in the little red dot which is not red at all - you say: SINGAPORE!=_= Just for your information, the text states:

...please call SBS Transit Customer Relations Centre at 1800-287 2727 and SMRT Customer Relations Centre at 1800-336 8900 respectively.

Huh? Why does this sentence need the word "respectively"? Is it necessary? Is it even used correctly? That word means "in the same order as the things you have just mentioned", so to use that word correctly it should be:

...please call SBS Transit Customer Relations Centre and SMRT Customer Relations Centre at 1800-287 2727 and 1800-336 8900 respectively.

Otherwise, make your sentence KISSable - Keep It Short and Simple! -

...please call the Customer Relations Centres of SBS Transit at 1800-287 2727, or of SMRT at 1800-336 8900.

Let's be smart guys, man! LOL~ I feel so didactic today! Oops~

And yes guys: If you have or know the font of the words I cropped out in the picture, please tell me through the tagboard or through Messenger!!! I LOVE THE FONT~! IT'S SO CUTE. NONO, SOMETHING'S CUTER:

rofl I actually wanted to post this thing in the ancient times but just couldn't summon any time and mood to blog it. This cute thing is from Sherly's house, where we always have our cell group meetings. W382~!!~!~!! lolz

Can you believe that the design on the card (it's incomplete in case you don't know, for your information) is done hand-drawn?! Done by our beloved Sherly too, she's just too professional and creative in this kind of thing of Arts. I suck in that, I just don't know why I can't seem to be more creative in drawing, but I can in graphic designing (skinning etc. hahas). Bleah, help!

I also went to Malaysia right after cell group meeting because my father and I had to fetch her after her business meeting in Johor Bahru. Otherwise, she would have to take 170 SBS bus to Singapore and take taxi back home. Bleah~ We don't want her to come back with loud irritating complaints and qualms yeah. Hahaha.

I've taken quite a lot of photographs in Johor, which I'll post later or sometime after church. >.< I'm dog-tired now and gonna retire into the night. Yeah good night, if you're experiencing nighttime currently. LOL~ I am dumb here. llala

Just a stupid poem I just made

2007-10-27T00:08:00.000+08:00

On my seat I sat

On my table I lay

My face I covered

My ears I cupped

My feelings I dissembled

Faded the noise

Hailed the silence

Faded the sight

Hailed the darkness

Brightened the darkness

Hailed the reminiscence

Hailed the nostalgia

Hailed the smile

Hailed the tears

我坐在椅上

我趴在桌上

我掩着我脸
我掩着我耳

我隐藏我伤

噪音弱了

宁静胜了

视觉闭了

黑暗沉了

黑暗亮了

回忆起了

留恋起了

笑容挂了

泪水涌了

Deprived of the rights rightfully mine

2007-10-26T18:37:00.001+08:00

It had been the worst day in school ever in my whole life...

Right, allow me to digress so that I can talk more about the revamp of Jeremy's blog.

Bleah! I am extremely sorry, first to say, because I admit that I have abandoned my blog for a few months. And here I'd like to take this opportunity to thank and apologise to all taggers and viewers who've been awaiting my comeback. I am really sorry that I've been apparently ignoring you loyal viewers, but I swear that in the past I've been erm... perhaps occasionally hahas, checking my blog to see the update of tags. Why occasionally? Actually I could've checked it more often, but because a few months ago I changed to using Mozilla Firefox, where my blog is inaccessible. However now, it should be accessible through all browsers.

I'll try my best to blog more often. Shall I make Dreys my blogging exemplar? LOL!!! I salute her - she is really one very hardworking girl...... in blogging. Ooops. As for being hardworking in studies, please ask her personally. =P

And yes, how's this skin? I thought it was my best skin. LOL I suddenly realise I'd always say I thought it was my best skin upon every skin finished. This is real dumb. Hahas, perhaps all my skins are the best creations by me? ahem nevermind.

Do comment about this skin in the tagboard. I am also contributing this skin to Blogskins, sometime in near future.

[END OF DIGRESSION]

Really, I'd been respecting my school as one of the best schools, not because of hearsay, but because of self-experience. But 26th October 2007 has been a day when I was proved wrong. Okay, I'm very bad in organising my grandfather/grandmother stories, so I'll blog all the happenings in chronological order.

24 Oct

It was when the finals of a web design competition I joined happened. I finalised my submission - http://thewilling.bizhat.com/ (hahas, do take a look though if you've got time) quite a few days ago, where one of which I merely slept for 45 minutes. Mind you, it was during the exam period.

In the finals we presented our website to the judges and audience and our supporters, and attained 2nd prize. The prize included (I really have a very special reason for making this verb past tense) Adobe Creative Suite 3 (CS3) Collection, worth $1500. THAT's what I've been striving to attain with sacrifices of sleep, revision for exam etc. And I thought God really answered my hard prayers.

But what irked me was one of the teachers from Green Club. Okay, she was really of a big help in the creation of that website. But we merely needed her for information of the school's activities etc. Say, somehow she went beyond what we had called her for and was apparently trying to bribe us to Green Club from where we have our sense of belonging - IT Club (Cybernauts). I heard that she claimed all credit for her Green Club when the officials of the competition praised my website, instead of some for IT Club.

Seriously, I can't believe such a teacher of inadequate integrity, sheer pride, could exist in such a well-known school. By what she is doing to me - always asking for help from me for her Green Club stuffs - it's clearly telling me she is gradually trying to remove me from IT Club, and to her Green Club. And please, I really have no interest in Green Club.

That time after the results, because we had three extra Adobe CS3s, we decided to give them to the team in our school who only managed to attain merit prize, who also spent equal efforts. But that teacher didn't agree to that. That's what I am feeling guilty with! This teacher has been very impressed with and more watchful of my website, rather than other websites from my fellow teams. And I don't treat them as rivals, we work together! So that teacher has been very negligent about the other websites, who were not to her taste perhaps. So when she actually deprived the other teams of their prizes, I was very worried that my fellow teams will think I'd been actually taking advantage from that teacher. But in fact, I've been feeling uncomfortable with her caring about asking the whole school to vote of only for me, instead of for the other teams too, because I think she really had to pay attention to the other teams too, right?

I seriously think teachers shouldn't take sides, 所谓"一视同仁".

My IT Teacher then told me not to unwrap the Adobe CS3 and to bring it back to school on the next day for prize presentation...

Ahh.... was quite disappointing due to my anxiousness. lols~

25 Oct

I was told that the prize presentation will be postponed to the next day. Bleahs

26 Oct

Before the Awards Presentation, I was told by my fellow IT Club member that the principal said that she will be keeping our Adobe CS3s - the collection of softwares, worth of $1500, rightfully ours - instead of giving it to us.

I was flabbergasted, lost for words, taken aback, awe-stricken, etc etc

And only till then, after several months, I then opened my mouth with the offensive word starting with F emerging. My friend wasn't shocked, I was shocked - about using that word. But that made me realise that I was just too furious.

"HOW COME?!"

"Crap, right?!"

I've been hoping that this CS3 could be given to me in exchange of me deprived of sleep, me sacrificing exam revision time, me sacrificing time for family.

But, what now? Now you know why I made the word "include" past tense.

It's supposed to be ours, rightfully ours.

I told my friend - IF WE CAN'T GET THAT CS3, THE ONE WE'VE BEEN WORKING HARD FOR, THEN I DON'T WANT THE MEDAL, I DON'T WANT TO GET TO THE STAGE TO RECEIVE IT, BECAUSE IT HAD BEEN ALL MEANINGLESS AND USELESS FOR US TO CREATE THE WEBSITE FOR THE COMPETITION! IT WAS STUPID OF US, SILLY OF US TO DO THIS STUFF FOR THIS SCHOOL!

But forget it, I'll give the principal some face. So I got onto the stage and was lost due to that stupid trauma I had before the presentation of prizes. I was just stuck during the stage. I was told not to leave first etc. But what, as I received the CS3, the principal went, "oh this is ours," then she took it back, with the crystal, the one that was instead rightfully the school's. You see! The school already have their own crystal, yet they're not satisfied with it.

Then my team member and I came down, with smelly faces the teachers were aware of. But I can't be bothered. I was just DISSATISFIED.

I went to look for the IT teacher, but she said she was also defending us to the principal.

Let's fast-forward to after the year-end concert. I was actually gradually cheering up until the principal called all IT Club members to meet her. She told us:

The website was well done, keep it up.
But what I heard was that the principal said that if she were the judge, she would not have selected us. But because we got 2nd, ahahs. Bleah it's not funny.
We hear that you guys are very inactive in the CCA.
Yes, I can admit sometimes we do, but this happens intermittently for hardcore IT Club members like me and some other. We will be so active for competitions that we sacrifice our exam revision time etc you know the list. Just that the school don't want to hear the whole story, but they choose to hear from those lazy members in the club, otherwise they just can't be bothered by the club.
And moreover, my poor IT Teacher is burdened with her pregnancy, and the work to manage the IT Club, administrative stuffs regarding on the AsknLearn website, IT Classes for the whole school etc. Do you think she has time to make active our CCA? And when she asks for help from the other teachers, the teachers run away or are busy. SO SCHOOL, HAVE SOME EMPATHY AND WARMTH, LIKE OUR VALUES, RIGHT?
And lols, the principal employed a trainer or coach or instructor whatever you call it for her beloved CHOIR, but for IT Club, when we raised the suggestion of getting an IT trainer for the club, she refused because of financial reasons. SO WHAT IS THIS ? - BIAS! THE IT CLUB ATTAINED A LOT OF AWARDS LAST YEAR YET THE PRINCIPAL DIDN'T TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.
Because the Choir is short of male members, we are deciding to recruit some of you boys whoever qualify for the auditions into the choir.
Oh right, now the strong choir comes in. First up I'd like to say I like choir, I am not against choir, not against any of the members inside. But I am just against how the school uses the innocent choir to insult the poor IT Club. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TAKING US AS?! WE ARE NOT THEIR SAVIOURS WHEN THEY ARE IN NEED OF MEMBERS HELLO!
As for those who do not qualify to enter choir, and the girls, you will be arranged into other CCAs such as AVA Club, Green Club, Photography Club etc.
You see, that's why I say the world is unfair. Green Club was the one who snatched away our rightfully-ours credit regarding on the competition I joined AS THE IDENTITY OF AN IT CLUB MEMBER, NOT GREEN CLUB'S! They only provided us information, that's it! NOW THEY ARE ACCUSING US FOR BEING SUCH A LAZY CCA. SO NOW WHAT, THEY ARE IMPLYING IT CLUB IS GONE! THEY ARE DISASSEMBLING THE MEMBERS AND DISPERSING THEM INTO DIFFERENT CCAS. THEY SAY CHOIR WILL REALLY BENEFIT YOU OR WHATEVER, THEY SAY THEY ARE GIVING US MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO SHOWCASE OUR POTENTIAL. BUT I WANT IT CLUB, NOT CHOIR! THOUGH I LIKE SINGING, I JUST WANT TO BE IN IT CLUB. GET IT, SCHOOL?

And guess what?! THE IT TEACHER WASN'T NOTIFIED OF THIS THING, SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT CLUB IS GOING TO DOOM. She was fairly shocked when I was telling her about it. I was shocked too! How could the school not tell her about this important stuff? I FEEL SO ANGRY FOR HER BECAUSE THIS IS TOTAL DISRESPECT AND INSULT to her club. I told her no matter what, we are gonna argue with the authority and we're gonna revamp this club, REGARDLESS OF WHAT ADVERSITY AND LUCK AND GOD AND SATAN tells us. and the IT teacher gave me a deep nod that really made me felt the vocation to do it right then.

I told her, I really feel like crying now.

Does the principal take us as dumb people? Does she have to beat a big round about the bush just to tell us IT CLUB IS FINISHED? How would she answer to the first ever person who founded Cybernauts? Does she even consider the feelings of the hardcore members of IT Club when all she was talking, was implying the finishing of IT Club?

Does she even respect us?

- She deprived us of what is rightfully ours
- She deprived us of where we should rightfully be

You know, I've really had enough of this - People have been treating IT Club as one of the laziest and most inactive CCAs in the school.

SOME OF MY CLASSMATES EVEN WANTED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT CLUB, BY ASKING ME IF IT IS RECRUITING MEMBERS, BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY CAN JUST DO NOTHING BUT ENJOY THE AIRCONDITIONING INSIDE THE LAB. SO WHAT IF WE ARE RECRUITING? EVEN IF WE ARE WE WOULDN'T LIKE TO RECRUIT SUCH STUPID HECKING STUDENTS WHO JUST DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE TO INSULT THE CCA.

SO GUYS, LISTEN UP, IF YOU ARE THINKING OF MENTIONING TO ME ABOUT IT CLUB, MAKE SURE YOU SHUT UP FIRST AND THINK OF OUR FEELINGS, THEN GO ON.

Seriously, I don't hecking care if I got charged, sued, or caught for tarnishing the reputation of my school by posting all these. Or you can give me even corporal punishment. It may be pain, I may cry. They may say I am meaning great disrespect here. But please, I'll just curtly reply:

Does the school even respect me?

ALL I WANT IS TO GET MY RIGHTS RIGHTFULLY MINE